Conquering Frustration: The Road to Self-Respect, Part 3 of 3
Universal law teaches that even when life events don’t go the way we want, we can avoid a pattern of failure.
A pattern of frustration, even small bouts of sadness, is not something we are stuck with. We can use conscious, deliberate thoughts to plant positive ideas in our subconscious. In parts one and two of this series, I wrote about a couple of ways we can do this.
The first is using affirmations, and the second is being willing to examine our core beliefs.
However, using either method without recognizing the power within us wastes time. Using affirmations and being willing to examine the paradigms that guide our lives are only first steps, not a one-stop solution that will magically fix whatever’s bugging us.
It takes more than spouting positive thoughts and reflecting on what got us where we are today to affect lasting changes in our lives.
It means we have work to do… by us.
It means we must change our thoughts and our behavior, not the behavior of our partners, lovers, bosses, or parents.
This is nearly impossible if we lack the self-esteem to recognize our own power to create these changes. How can we begin to do that?
Traveling the Road to Self-Respect
We travel many roads during our time on planet Earth. For many people, one of the most difficult is the road to self-respect.
You may have heard it said that if you respect yourself, others will respect you. I believe that’s true because I’ve seen other people completely change their attitude toward me when I was willing to change my attitude about myself. But I’ve also heard it said back to me, “Sure. He respected me like the doormat I became—wiping his feet on my ass as he entered, and then again as he walked out of my life.”
Okay.
I get that.
Been there, done that, got the coffee mug and the commemorative T-shirt, and I don’t allow people to do that to me anymore, no matter who they think they are.
I’ve learned to recognize my power and increased it over the years. By doing so, I’ve seen people leave my life because I evolved in a way they disapproved of, but I’ve also been delighted to see a higher-quality individual take their place almost instantly.
The universe abhors a vacuum
The universe abhors a vacuum, and you can believe with assurance that when something or someone leaves your life, it is for a higher good, only to be replaced by something or someone even more wonderful.
You are destined for personal greatness. This is a given. Why?
Because there is only one you. Even if you have a twin, there is still only one you. You are distinctive; a human expression of the divine. Because of that, you have a unique gift which no one else can present and share with us quite like you.
That means you have no competition because you are already the best. If your life isn’t reflecting that, own it; don’t bitch about it. Dust yourself off and move forward instead of crying over the mess you might be in. (Okay, you can cry a bit; that’s acceptable. Just don’t make a habit of wallowing in it. That quickly becomes one of those ugly cries no one wants to experience. Ugh!)
I’m not talking about beating yourself up for not knowing any better.
I’m not talking about blaming yourself or pushing blame onto your parents, the Church, society, the government, Satan, or anyone else.
Responsibility isn’t blame, unless we choose to make it that way. When someone starts talking about responsibility, it’s often because someone screwed up, and another person made it right.
What about responsibility for what does go right?
Someone, primarily us, is responsible for our success. People credited with being “overnight successes” seldom are. Financial gurus who seem to have it all together haven’t always done it at others’ expense. And no one is luckier than anyone else.
Source is willing, and you are the only other person involved. It amazes me when people are so eager to blame themselves for misfortune, only to have a goal reached, or anything else go perfectly, and then chalk it up to providence, luck, or some invisible higher power having a good hair day and deciding to be benevolent.
See this not as blame, but as an opportunity for you to take control and responsibility in your life more than ever before. We must deal with our problems, situations, or conditions effectively, but we don’t have to let them run our lives. In this regard, notice how you label yourself… and how much you agree with the way others label you.
Happiness and Unhappiness
If you do this, does this mean you will live a life of happiness and unheard-of bliss?
No.
Well, maybe, but then that’s not up for me to decide, is it?
When we take an active role in how our lives unfold, instead of hoping someone else will be responsible for our happiness, we’ll be a lot more satisfied. Other successful people will probably want to spend more time with us when we’re involved in our lives, than if we’re walking around with our eyes down and a discouraged pout on our face all the time.
But yes, we will have days we judge as good days and others we’d rather not repeat. You will have problems, and challenges, and sometimes you will feel unhappy.
When these times happen, what can we do?
I use the stop-and-strip method.
Actually, it’s a stop-stop-stop-strip-stop method, and it goes something like this:
STOP complaining;
STOP thinking about your liabilities;
STOP distrusting yourself;
STRIP off your mask and be who you really are; and,
STOP ridiculing your own weaknesses.
Complaining is a waste of time. Either do something about the problem or let it go.
Thinking makes it so, but because we live in a user-friendly universe that doesn’t play favorites, thinking works both ways. If the universe only knows how to say “Yes!” to our positive desires, then it will do the same for the negative ones, without judgment or prejudice.
Concentrate on your assets, not on your liabilities. If you don’t trust yourself, who can you trust? And who would trust anyone who doesn’t trust themselves?
Imitation is NOT the sincerest form of flattery, and you waste your time if you flatter people in the first place.
We flatter people only to get something we think they’ve got, when the truth is we already possess it ourselves. By trying to be “like someone else,” or anyone other than us, we rob the world of experiencing who WE are. In the process, we lose out, too.
Just like with our liabilities, if we constantly talk about our weaknesses, they will grow and remain.
Winning Out over Crises
From time to time, serious challenges and situations may arise in our lives. You may have been taught to tough it out, take care of it yourself, be a man if you’re male, grow up, or deal with it if you’re female.
The philosophies I have lived and taught for over four decades have teeth, meaning we don’t just sit around being held and bottle-fed. We are strong enough here to bite into anything set before us.
This means living a principle-centered way of life and being willing to do whatever it takes to empower each other to freely realize our greatest potential.
That means you don’t have to do it alone.
There’s nothing wrong with showing up and having problems. It’s life.
There’s nothing wrong with showing up and not feeling your best. No one is ecstatic all the time.
You have my assurance that I will see you for who you are, not just for who shows up, warts and all. If you find yourself frustrated with some area of your life, get help. Make an appointment with me or another counselor. If you see someone who’s doing what you want to do, ask them how they got there, and let them mentor you.
If you find you’re a little angry at yourself for staying stuck, or laughing at yourself for worrying about nothing, pat yourself on the back!
You’ve already moved out of frustration.
You’ve decided to change, and it is a positive move.
In the Bible, we read the story of Joseph and the coat of many colors his father, Jacob, gave him. Metaphysically, that coat represents our imagination, and imagination gives life color.
If you have imagined even one glimmer of hope while reading this series in changing your life to something more than it is,
If you have imagined you can do whatever it is that you want to do, even if you don't quite know yet what or how that is,
If you have for one instant felt better before you began listening to these thoughts,
Then you have what it takes to be the spiritual warrior who conquers frustration and creates a life today even more wonderful than you have experienced up until now.
Believing you have the power to change is a power within you that no one else can take away.
I hope you’ll join me when I publish the next blog on my Substack account and website next Sunday morning. If you find this article helpful, please share it with others as we continue to build community in cyberspace.
Till then, please know that I value the time it took to listen to this recording or read the article. You could have used the past few minutes in many other ways. I am honored that you chose to spend them with me. Be well always and keep in touch!
To learn more about my work and background, please check out my LinkTree profile: linktr.ee/terrydrewkaranen
You may also email me through my website or directly at terry@terrydrewkaranen.com
Could you benefit from a counselor, therapist, mentor, or coach? My training includes all these modalities. If you need someone to chat with, consider reaching out to me today!
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