Masturmeditation:
Combining self-pleasuring with healing for ourselves and others
This article results from personal experiences and training that I’ve seldom discussed, even with my closest friends, and never something I thought I’d share publicly, until now. I give it to you with love and hope you’ll find some thread of truth in the words.
All the best always.
Terry aka TantraDad
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What do a former Catholic priest, a touring pianist for dancer Mikhail Baryshnikov, an opera composer, a porn film technical adviser, and the practice of combining masturbation with spiritual practice have in common?
Coach Nic.
At least that’s the name this peaceful, serene man was called when we were teaching on a tantra platform at the height of the COVID pandemic. He is also remembered as Father Nicolas Reveles, a man of faith who left the priesthood but never stopped helping others.
As a retired minister myself, I was initially trained by and served a fundamentalist church, eventually leaving that organization because I was gay. I found a new spiritual home by being trained in a philosophy based on metaphysical Christianity. I was shocked when I saw the class Nic was teaching.
It combined masturbation and spirituality.
The idea was a foreign, if not repugnant, one to me.
Yet Nic’s kind face and how he spoke about this subject in the video ad convinced me to sign up. Taking his class was another significant change in how I incorporate the tantra lifestyle I live and teach.
The act of masturbation, often called self-abuse, was forbidden by the religion of my childhood. That’s not uncommon in the spiritual teachings of many faiths. Nic spoke about this act as self-pleasuring, a designation I’d realized years before as a more sane and sensible description of a natural act by humans and many other mammals. The pleasure part I understood, but adding prayer or meditation to that? I need convincing on that part.
In its many forms and practices, prayer is based on one thing: Faith. The scriptures say, Faith is the assured expectation of things hoped for, the event reality though not yet beheld. Ernest Holmes wrote, Hope is good. It beats despair, but it pales in the face of faith.
So that the reader doesn’t think I’m about to launch into giving a sermon, let’s quickly return to self-pleasuring. Later, we’ll return to how this natural act is spiritual.
What is it that makes masturbation and self-pleasuring different? In the former, the result most of us are looking for is the ejaculation, the more cum the better, since most guys believe that will extend our pleasure. Hopefully, it will be an amount of sperm that we can brag about to others, or at least smirk to ourselves.
Self-pleasuring is a different act because, while we expect pleasure, the ejaculation is far less critical, if it happens at all. Why? Because the intention is not ejaculation. It’s the orgasm, the height of the pleasure, and, unlike ejaculation, can be experienced multiple times in any given session. It’s also not cock focused. Tantra teaches us to find as many pleasurable sensations as we can locate.
Masturbation intends to get us off quickly and get on with whatever we should be doing at work, instead of having a wank in the middle of the day in the men’s room. It’s common for guys to jack off before bed as a pleasurable way of getting to sleep.
But our purpose in self-pleasuring is the enjoyment of the same orgasmic energy that causes ejaculation. This is where one of the basic principles of tantra comes into play. Ejaculation and orgasm are often used interchangeably. While they frequently coincide, they are distinct.
This is possible because tantra teaches us to orgasm without ejaculating, not all the time, but to fulfill our intention in our self-pleasuring. Once we come, it’s over for most guys. I’ve read that most heterosexual intercourse lasts less than two minutes. Uninformed straight guys think that ramming their dicks into their partner's vagina will automatically create an orgasm for the woman. It seldom does, much to the dismay of the woman. She lies there, unfulfilled, wondering what just happened while her man comes, rolls over, and starts snoring.
Fulfilling women’s expectations, however, is not the point of this article, so let’s return to the energy that creates the orgasm in men, and the ejaculation that can follow or be experienced simultaneously. The feeling we get with an orgasm is the life force being felt throughout our bodies. It’s possible through tantra practices to have an orgasm in our genitals, our ass, or our prostate. Orgasmic energy can also be trained to appear in our heart, muscles, brain, and any area or organ you might think of. Finally, we can experience a full-body orgasm, sometimes called the big draw.
Why is this important? To answer that, compare our discussion to the chakra system taught in Hinduism. Each chakra influences a particular area of our body, such as our genitals, stomach, or heart. Various meditation techniques show us how to concentrate on any area of concern and the associated chakra. In masturmeditation, we can do the same thing, by creating an orgasm in these areas to focus on issues or problems and connect with the chakras they represent.
This discussion is an example of when classical tantra (the ancient religion) and neo-tantra (a Western adaptation focusing more on technique) agree. The sexual acts in which we engage are the closest we can come to the oneness of all creation. My personal belief system is based on the universality of all life. On the deepest level, we are all expressions of energy in various shapes. While we are distinctly different in appearance and attitude, we have the same energy vibrating in numerous forms.
In the West, we frequently equate spirituality with religion, along with all the dogma, doctrines, and guilt, the latter of which has been a reason for years of therapy for many of us. Suspend, just for a moment, all that you might believe about God or a high power.
Ignore any ideas that he/she/or they must approve of our requests. Consider these thoughts:
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What if that energy acted upon our command, like electricity?
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Does the light switch ask questions about your reasons for using it before it illuminates the room?
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Do you have to follow a list of commandments before you are deemed worthy of using it?
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Going even further, does it judge you whether you want to light a room or use it to electrocute a criminal?
No. It doesn’t. It works the same for everyone. We bear responsibility for how we use it. We have freedom of choice, but not of consequences… or rewards. We can use fire to warm our homes or set fire to the same structure. What is the difference in any of these examples?
Intention. This all returns to intention.
Nic taught that our erotic energy can be used for purposes other than self-pleasure or procreation. The orgasm is a physiological sensation of the energy flowing through us. What if we combined that life-giving energy with the healing of ourselves or others?
This is the crux of masturmeditation. We can use self-pleasuring to heal or realign parts of our lives or bodies. The next time a friend asks you to pray for them or “hold a good thought” about an event they are dealing with, consider how you might extend or send the life energy you are creating through self-pleasuring to fulfill that request.
That doesn’t mean we can’t add ejaculation to the mix as well. I had many masturmeditation sessions during Nic’s final days in this lifetime. In most instances, I brought myself to the orgasmic state and visualized that energy going out to him on the opposite coast, allowing him to use it in any way he saw fit. In a few sessions, however, it appeared that he required even more of a boost. Those are the times I orgasmed and ejaculated with him in mind and focused my erotic energy on strengthening him through his pain.
You may not have considered this form of healing work. But, if you choose to do it, you’ll find many small indications that you’re making a difference in your or someone else’s life. As always, however, it must be done with consent. Nic was aware and approved of what I was doing. We exchanged messages about what it felt like for each of us. As his condition advanced, our communications became less frequent.
One day, I was attempting to send that energy, but it appeared to be blocked, bouncing back to me in one of the most intense and energetic orgasms and ejaculations I’ve experienced. When the initial effects subsided, it felt like a warm blanket had enveloped me. Nic’s kind smile came to mind, and I sighed. I experienced a powerful, loving energy and peace of mind.
I would find out a few days later that he’d passed on to his next experience that evening.
I encourage the reader to ponder these thoughts. Take what you want if it supports you in any way. Discard any or all of what I’ve written if it doesn’t apply to your life. If this resonates with you, please get in touch with me with questions, comments, or your own experiences.
If you’d like to know more about Nic, see the link at the bottom.
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Could you use a counselor, therapist, mentor, or coach in your life? My training includes all these modalities. If you need someone to chat with, consider contacting me today!
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