Five C’s of Tantric Principles

Classical tantra began about 1,500 years ago in India. Specific practices regarding sexual relations and how to incorporate erotic energy were a small part of a much larger religious practice.

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I practice neo-tantra (also known as navatantra or tantric sexuality). Some teachings describe it as a Western, new religious movement based on the Eastern esoteric spiritual traditions of classical tantra. This is another way my practice and definition of neo-tantra differ from some other teachings.

 

I see spirituality and religion separately. For some people, their religious beliefs dictate how they practice their spirituality, such as Hasidic Jews, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Latter-Day Saints/Mormons, Amish, and many more. In my way of practice, spirituality is universal, as is my concept of a higher power. My training is based on a divine intelligence that exists to support us in all we desire. It doesn’t judge or condemn. It has no gender. In fact, as one person said it, “Whenever we define God (substitute whatever term works for you), we immediately attempt to  limit the unlimited.”

 

I define a tantric lifestyle as one of childlike wonderment, dedication to principles both in neo-tantra and other spiritual paths, communication, and honesty. I do that with the many tantric practices I utilize, which include meditation, speaking the truth, doing my best to live a life of unconditional love, and acceptance.

“So you accept all that Hitler did to the Jews?” Yeah, I get that from time to time. I refer to the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, originally on page 449:

 

 

Acceptance is the answer to all my problems.

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The problem with acceptance is the same situation we have between religions and spirituality. They aren’t synonyms in my teachings, but separate for me, even though I understand other groups practice the opposite. In the same way, acceptance is not approval. I accept that Hitler committed horrific acts against over six million Jews, and another eight million other people due to other religions, sexual orientations, differently-abled people, race, and color of skin, to name just a few, because that’s a fact of history. I also accept that one of my partners smokes, has done so for thirty years, and won’t quit.

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I don’t approve of either of those actions.

 

If that sounds too complicated for you, please understand that those are also key elements to having any successful relationship and a life worth living. In a recent blog, I used another way of explaining something more about a tantric lifestyle. You’ll read more about acceptance below.

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Five C’s of Some Basic Tantric Principles

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• Curiosity—We live in a society that has been too judgmental of ourselves and those around us. The “ugly American” travels to a foreign country to experience something different, only to complain that nothing is like it is “back home.” When we live in a world of curiosity, our first inclination is to learn more about why someone reacts in a way diametrically opposed to us, not to judge. Judging the actions of others requires a right/wrong response, supports the idea that we are the ones who are right, and does nothing to create peaceful coexistence.

• Childlike wonderment—Have you ever seen a small child mesmerized by a colony of ants, staring into a flower, or giggling as she watched a baby animal? I love living like that! No matter how many times I see a sunset, it’s always unique. No matter how many times I get together with my close friends, we’re different people with new needs and thoughts. Living in a childlike wonderment of life allows our minds and concepts of life to expand.

• Communication—A Biblical passage says, “Let your yes mean yes, and your no mean no.” In neo-tantra, we are taught to speak our word for what we want, when we want it. Conversely, we learn how to hear that “yes,” as well as hearing a “no” in response to our request. We use several ways to learn this, but suffice it to say this: If you are saying “yes,” let that be a “HELL YEAH!” And if it’s a no, it could be “OH, FUCK NO!” Are there variations in this? Sure, but that’s something to learn!

• Compassion—“Walk a mile in my shoes” is a phrase most of us have heard. But what does that kind of compassion entail? Compassion means support for others. It does not necessarily mean we “understand.” As a privileged, white, cisgender gay male, I will never “understand” what it must mean to grow up as an underprivileged, cisgender, straight, teenage girl of color, but I can support that child with compassion… and not with pity.

• Compersion—This word is most generally defined as the opposite of jealousy. But it’s so much more than that simple explanation. Compersion comes to us from the world of polyamory, intimate relationships with more than one partner. It is the reason those of us in successful poly relationships can cope with our partners having other partners. To have compersion for a lover, a friend, or a family member is to be filled with joy at their joy! It is also the ultimate level of unconditional love. As one woman put it, “Why would I stop someone I love from loving someone else?”

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The five C’s are only part of what tantra teaches us. They are not the end of everything we teach. They are merely one way to start thinking about a tantric lifestyle, just as my definition of that is unique to me, though it is practiced by most tantrikas I know. If you really want your head to spin after all that, consider this: It’s also part of the golden thread of truth that runs through almost every spiritual tradition and most religions. It’s not by finding our differences that we will bring us to a place of peace. It’s by discovering our similarities, building upon those, and allowing our diversity to create a world truly worth living… one relationship at a time.

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