Should We Dim Our Light?
- terry4066
- 5 days ago
- 4 min read
The graphics above and below are of my friend, Arkem, a popular entertainer, singer, and songwriter living in the United Kingdom, who probably has even more talent and life experiences that I have yet to learn about.
One of my teachers, Sandhi, once gave a talk about how we should all “Live life, full-tilt boogie!” Arkem, I believe, would have made even Sandhi drop her jaw.
While my past might appear as if I often live my life without caring what others think of me, that’s not the case, at least normally. I very much care about how my personal and political views could prevent others from hearing something unrelated that speaks to them, whether it's a counseling client, when I speak publicly, or when someone is reading one of my books or blogs.
So, yes, I do proceed with caution when I’m covering sensitive issues.
Conversely, when I feel something needs to be said, I’m not afraid to ruffle someone’s feathers. I dress as I feel like it. I have for years, even if I’m accused of “not dressing my age,” or have someone appalled that I would wear something “that gay” in public.
Yes, I may have pushed someone’s buttons, but I also know I didn’t install them. I admit that sometimes it’s most amusing to see some poor sods head spin, but I don’t show up intending that effect. Most people who read my work or want to see me in counseling know that what you see is what you get with me. Frankly, if a potential subscriber or client can’t take me as I am, warts and all, then I’m probably not the writer or therapist they need.
This is what sparked me to write this blog. Nick Vannello, CEO of GoNaked World, recently wrote:
There’s a difference between dimming your light and adjusting its brightness so it doesn’t blind the room.
I had to read that a couple of times, and even then, I wasn’t sure it was what I believed. It made me think that those words could be taken by some as a call to tone ourselves down for the crowd. That we should “read the room,” or otherwise hold back from being totally who we are.
As I continued to ponder this, my other psyche chimed in with, “Well, honey, you do that every time you speak to your mother.”
Do I? I don’t know that I do that so much as I leave out parts of my life that either (1) she doesn’t agree with, or (2) she doesn’t understand. For example, she’s never read my male/male romance novels, even though she’s read all the other books I’ve written, and even wrote the preface for the one dedicated to the memory of her mother.
I even offer to send her a redacted copy of my erotic books, with all the sexual scenes left out. Nope. She wasn’t going to have it. On her end of the fence, she knows how I’m going to respond to her if she starts preaching to me. That never ends well for either of us.
In this way, I believe we are both adjusting our brightness, not dimming our light. One doesn’t have to blind the room to be seen, although it can be fun. When I’ve seen Arkem perform on stage, I’ve been thoroughly delighted by his showmanship, talent, and professionalism. He dances, sings, writes his own songs (a few which I’d never share with my mum), and speaks with clarity that cuts through the BS to the heart of the issue.
I’ve also been there when the makeup comes off, when his beautiful soul smiles at me, and makes me feel like I’m the most important person in his life, at least at that moment. One cannot perform as Arkem does without connecting in unique ways with every person in the audience. He looks at his audience in ways that make you feel like, regardless of the outrageous costumes, that he’s performing only for you. The makeup, the feathers? All for you, darling… all for you.
Who are you? Are you at all afraid to be the magnificent light being that you are? Do you sometimes feel you have nothing to give? Do you fear you are “too much?”
I assure you, you have a special something that no one else in the world has. Find that, fearlessly express it, and be the light you were meant to be. Choose to live your unique light on high-beam, low-beam, a little brighter than you feel, or slightly dimmer than you might. You’ll figure it out. Just be you, however that shows up.
Next time you think you are too out there? Remember Arkem.
Make him proud.
(Below is my outfit from New Years Eve 2025, at Gaunts House, Wimborne, Dorset, U.K. I was assured by Arkem that he approves!)
Could you use a counselor, therapist, mentor, or coach in your life? My training includes all these modalities. If you need someone to chat with, consider reaching out to me today!
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