Heartbroken – Why this is a real thing and what we can do if it happens to us

(This blog posting summarizes a recent article by Rebekah Brandes, as published in Nice News. To read Brandes’ original article, see: https://nicenews.com/health-and-wellness/science-behind-heartbreak-how-heal/)

Heartbreaks can happen to anyone. Men may be less likely to admit it than women. Guys tend to act out their heartbreaks physically by getting into fights, working constantly, or eating either too much or not enough. We also don’t always deal with depression in healthy ways, finding solace in alcohol, drugs, sex, or Internet porn, or over-reaching our safe limits in sports, the gym, or avoiding other people, particularly our male friends, if we have any we can trust with our deepest fears.

When your heart breaks, it can feel like your whole world is falling apart. You're not just sad — it can hurt physically, too. That’s because your brain reacts to heartbreak like physical pain. It’s wired to care deeply about relationships because connection meant survival for most of human history.

If you're feeling sick to your stomach, tired all the time, anxious, or even getting physically ill after a breakup — you're not imagining it. In sporadic cases, intense emotional pain can even cause a condition called broken heart syndrome, which mimics a heart attack.

The good news? You will get through it. It just takes time, self-care, and a few strategies to help your brain and body reset. Here are five ways that can help:

1. See the Relationship Clearly

It’s common only to remember the good times after a breakup — but that can keep you stuck. Remember the parts that didn’t work or made you unhappy. Talk to a trusted friend who can help you see the whole picture.

2. Challenge Negative Thoughts

Heartbreak often brings self-doubt. If you’re thinking things like “I’ll never find someone” or “I’m unlovable,” try using a tool from therapy called CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). One helpful trick? For every negative thought, develop five more balanced or positive ones. Also, when you think about your ex, gently shift your focus to your life — what you are doing and who you are with.

3. Treat It Like an Addiction

Love can behave like an addiction in your brain. So, like any addiction, going cold turkey — no texting, checking their social media, or trying to be “just friends” right away — helps. Fill your days with things that make you feel good: exercise, see friends, explore new hobbies, volunteer, or just get out in the sun. Moving your body and doing things that bring joy can lift your mood naturally.

4. Get a Hug (Seriously)

Physical touch releases feel-good chemicals like oxytocin, which helps calm the stress of heartbreak. So, hug a friend, cuddle your pet, or even try massage or other calming touch-based therapies.

5. Give It Time — and Be Kind to Yourself

There’s no fast-forward button for heartbreak. It just takes time. While you wait, treat yourself gently. Eat nourishing food, rest, stay connected with people who care, and do what soothes you — journaling, walking, watching comfort shows, crying out with some Adele… or Enya... or watch Beaches… again.

Bottom Line? Heartbreak is real — and it hurts in every sense. But it’s also something you can heal from. You don’t need to rush. You need to be patient with yourself, take care of your body and mind, and believe that better days are coming because they are.

Could you use a counselor, therapist, mentor, or coach in your life? My training includes all these modalities. If you need someone to chat with, consider contacting me today!