Being Average: Why it has a bad rap and how we can make it work in our favor

Let me start by saying I’m not about “settling” for anything, nor do I feel we should sit back and wait for the universe to send our desires by overnight express (gift wrapping optional!). But, having said that, some of us are like the dog running after the car, having no clue what we’d do if we caught the damn thing.

Many people today dream of becoming the next social media influencer. Few, however, realize how much of a commitment this lifestyle is—and what it could cost them in their health, their relationships, and the amount of anxiety and depression that Instagram or TikTok dislikes on their postings will have on their reality.

While there’s merit in distinguishing oneself and attaining remarkable success, leading an average life can also offer significant meaning and personal fulfillment.

Here are two examples:

Remember the name of that older woman who lived in a small town outside of Oaxaca, Mexico? You know, the one the kids called “the witch” because she frequently concocted odd-smelling potions that usually cured the sick?

Or think about the young man in the stables of the Earl of Wessex who cared for the horses and always had a smile on his face?

You probably don’t remember them.

Part of that is because I made up both of those people.

But they represent the overwhelming majority of all who have lived in the past few millennia. Most of us aren’t and will probably never be famous, on the cover of our favorite magazine, be the next Stephen King, Rihanna, or win a Nobel prize. That doesn’t mean we won’t have an impact on the people around us.

We can easily lose sight of the importance of the needs of our closest friends and family, while at the same time finding our attention glued to the Internet or national TV news, fretting about people we’ll never meet, suffering from oppression in countries we’ve not visited, and dealing with problems we worry about not solving.

We must know what needs to change and what unhappiness we can correct. We cannot bury our heads in the sands of depression, anxiety, or doubt about our global future. It does mean acting on what we can do instead of worrying about issues we aren’t meant to solve.

Influencers and Internet snail oil salespeople may try to make us feel that we should be doing something or becoming someone other than the individual, unique person we already are. Embracing mediocrity allows individuals to find peace with their purpose without the pressure to overachieve or constantly compare themselves to others.

Let’s look at ways to rethink what it means to be average.

• Redefining average: “Average” means being midway between extremes and not inherently carrying negativity; it can represent a balanced, common experience rather than inadequacy.

• Value beyond fame: People in everyday roles like teachers, nurses, and caregivers may seem average but profoundly impact others and society, highlighting that significance is not limited to high-profile achievements.

• Cosmic insignificance therapy: Accepting one’s small place in the universe can be liberating, shifting focus from extraordinary accomplishments to what truly matters personally.

• Escaping comparison traps: Societal success metrics often cause shame and inadequacy; rejecting these allows people to define success on their own terms.

• Average doesn’t mean giving up: Living an average life does not require abandoning passions or goals; it means recognizing that not everyone will be exceptional in all areas and focusing on what feels right individually.

• Avoid overachieving burnout: Overachievers driven by insecurity may face unhappiness and stress, while setting realistic, attainable goals promotes better motivation and self-esteem.

• Cultivate well-rounded happiness: Building a balanced life with strong relationships, creative activities, and personal growth leads to fulfillment beyond societal definitions of success.

One of the most challenging situations we face is admitting we are unique. There is something inside you that no one else has; no one can express it as you can, and only you can create the change you might secretly desire.

As I grow into the second half of my life, I realize how precious we are. Yes, we can get better at whatever we choose, but just because we can’t play Carnegie Hall doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy plunking out our favorite song on an old piano.

Stephanie Friedman’s recent writing inspired this blog, “Mediocrity Is Meaningful: The Case for Living an Average Life.” I highly recommend you include her in your reading.