Are You Your Labels? Part 2 of 2

I spoke about this idea of labels in the first part of "Are You Your Labels?" Toward the end of part one, I suggested that we take a look at how we label ourselves, or how others might label us. I hope you took time to look at that for yourself!

Continuing with examples, let's look at how three common areas of labeling can empower or limit us, depending on how we use them. These areas are: health, marital status, and ethnicity.

Health

“I can’t do <BLANK> because of <BLANK>.” Fill in the first blank with what you tell others you can't do, and the second blank with the reason. For example:

"I can't garden because of my arthritis."

"I can't get a good job because I didn't go to college."

"I can't rollerskate because of my bad back."

It’s easy to get caught up in naming our disease or situation since there are so many fancy names out there today. Instead of "experiencing arthritis," we say we're arthritic. Instead of investigating how to start college, we use that as an excuse to be miserable in our jobs. We don't just name a situation or a disease. We become the disease. We allow it to define us. We label ourselves.

It becomes more fashionable in some circles to delve into what’s wrong with us instead of what’s right with us. I've seen "support groups" that ended up supporting the problem more than they helped people to move on to a life worth living.

Marital Status

I was asked one time by an admitting nurse in an Emergency Room whether I was single, married, divorced, or widowed. At the time, I said I was three out of four, so take your pick.

The energy we feel about a person or situation is totally different depending on the answer.

Suppose you were single and wanted to date someone. First of all, saying a person is single may indicate to some people that they aren’t with anyone in particular, which may or may not be true.

I could be single and still be dating five guys. I’d still be single…tired, but single. But let’s assume you are not involved with anyone else at the moment, and you want to date.

What if the person tells you they are “divorced”, then what? Questions, right? Really divorced? Just separated? Kids? Child support? Alimony? Ex-spouse calling in the middle of the night?

Naaaa…not for me. Check her/him/them off.

Widowed? Hmmmm…how long? Are they healed of the loss? Am I just a replacement partner?

Naaaa….not for me. That gets another check.

I’m exaggerating, of course, but there is usually some kind of pause for us with these labels of single, married, partnered, divorced, separated, or widowed.

Ethnicity/Race/Heritage

In some arenas, it is difficult to refer to a person’s genealogy, skin color, or ethnic background without violating their civil rights or, at the very least, offending them.

I have a colleague who is dark-skinned and objects to being called “African-American,” because she doesn't identify that way. She's from the Bahamas; her mother is very dark-skinned; her father is very light-skinned; and she's not American.

How we refer to cultures, ethnic groups, and race depends on who you ask. I used the term “Oriental” instead of “Asian” in a writing a couple of years ago when describing how the Eastern cultures view dragons very differently from Western, primarily Christian, cultures.

I received a scathing letter from a man--Caucasian, I might add--who lives in Nepal part of the year. He informed me that the term “Oriental” should NEVER be used in referring to culture, people, or practices of the various Asian countries.

Yet in my work, I’ve asked Korean, Japanese, and Chinese practitioners of medicine from that part of the world if the term Oriental Medicine was offensive; should we be saying, “Asian Medicine?” They all laughed at me.

They personally identified as Asian or by their country of origin, but the medicine was still oriental to them. We might cringe at the use of "Persian rug" or "Oriental rug," but where I live in South Central Pennsylvania, we think nothing of saying we bought an Amish quilt.

I think by now you have the basic idea of labels and see how confusing and limiting they can be, even within these three categories.

You may also have a few questions about how to deal with the issues I’ve discussed.

I don’t have your answers, but I’d like to share some of the ways I continue to work on this in my own life. I’ve found four key ways to deal with labels.

Be clear on who I am.

With me, what you see is pretty much what you get. I don't act, write, or conduct myself to please others.

We may genuinely feel a certain way. But if we act in ways that are not politically, socially, sexually, or culturally correct, it can interfere with our self-expression. We need to be ourselves, but we can’t just discount the consequences of our actions or speech either.

Ernest Holmes wrote that:

“...unity does not mean uniformity. … the changeless nature of the original mind in no way imposes monotonous action upon it."

It may mean being different than society, or it may mean being different than our peers. Discovering who we are, deciding what to change in our lives, and making those changes is our challenge.

Our ego mind makes judgments through comparisons. This may be our mind today, or it might have been the objective mind of a two-year-old, a seven-year-old, or a mind bound by tradition or false beliefs, but those concepts may still reside in our subjective/subconscious mind.

We must find ways around the judge. It’s almost like being an attorney in a courtroom. Sometimes the attorney uses logic and law to prove her point, sometimes she uses an emotional approach.

Frequently, we can become so comfortable with what’s wrong in our lives that we begin to live our lives in such a way that we perpetuate the very situation that we claim we want to rid ourselves of. By falling in love with something else, by turning our other cheek toward another focus, we take our mind off the undesirable situation and onto a more advantageous pursuit.

This allows the healing to occur. Why?

Because while our ego mind is off orchestrating something else, the universe can begin to do its work unhindered. The result is that many times the undesirable situation or circumstance dies of neglect. The situation, illness, or disease is not our label, but it can be a direct manifestation of an old idea that no longer serves us.

We do not have to let our ego mind have anything to do with who we choose to be today. This is called the quest of the Spiritual Warrior. We are not waging war against anything. Rather, we are directing our efforts toward something by being clear on who we are.

Be clear on my communication of who I am.

Ask yourself: Do I want to be identified by a label, or for who I am? Is the label all of who I am, or just a portion of me, just the part I want someone to acknowledge at any given time?

We cannot live our lives solely for others. Mom or dad may have wanted us to be doctors or lawyers, but if that wasn't what we wanted, we'd have been miserable. It’s not that our parents or friends want to make life miserable for us – they truly want the best for us.

It’s we, however, who have to make the decision about our lives. That clarity will show up in how we are perceived by others.

That’s a fine line, however. The tricky part is what is the goal? What is our intention?

If your goal is to cause a scene or be outrageous, then do what you want, and you’ll be successful at that!

With our dress, it’s often easier to dress the way we are expected to because it eliminates questions, comments, and obstacles that don’t need to be there. (For more information on this subject, check out a previous blog, "Should We Dim Our Light?")

Acknowledge the situation

This one can be very ego-bruising. It requires us to admit something about ourselves or our circumstances, which we’d rather ignore.

I’d like to think I’m usually pretty much in charge, kinda guy, but there are days when I am, well, shall we say, “just one or two french fries short of a Happy Meal”? I’m not present, I’m not focused, and I’m probably annoying people.

My family will sometimes gently hold my face, look me in the eye, and say, "Shhhhhh... Terry. Focus... Now continue." Either that or, “Yes, we see the shiny object, now please get to the goddamn point!”

There is another part, too, in acknowledging ourselves, particularly through labeling.

When we label ourselves, we define our boundaries, we establish our parameters. However, they also limit us.

If that is our purpose, then we need to acknowledge that we are there by choice. It's appropriate for us at this time and therefore see it as a choice, not a sentence.

I could blame it on ADD, dyxlesia, or a stroke, but those are part of my past that I choose not to create my reality now or in the future. By acknowledging what is happening in that moment of my life rather than ignoring or defending it, I can address the situation and move on.

Be willing to let go of the label

My entire life revolves around fulfilling my vision. mission, and purpose. It's the way I get to live my life and fulfill my dreams. I teach people how to do that so that they, too, can have a satisfying life, a life truly worth living.

Part of that is deciding how I want to do that. Part of that decision, then, is taking on certain responsibilities and roles. With these roles come labels, labels that in society allow me certain privileges. Even so, we must be willing to let go of our labels, just as we let go of everything else in our lives on a daily basis.

Why?

Because it’s not the job, or the label, or the house, or anything else that is our security. I believe in a universe that's set up to support us, not in a God that judges our desires or stops us from living to our full potential.

That universal energy and the channels it uses must change over time if we are to grow. That means we have to give up some of our preconceived ideas about what we might do under any number of labels.

To some people, this is terrifying.

“I’ll lose my identity!”

"If I don’t have the title, the position, the right house, the right car, etc, etc, etc, then who am I?"

I’ve found it to be just the opposite. Just because I release everything on a daily basis doesn’t mean that everything leaves my life. Sometimes things or people leave, but that’s all right, too, because it’s time for that to happen.

When it does, particularly when it’s something I really think I need to have or be, I end up discovering all over again just who I am and how I can fulfill my life purpose. If we do that without expectations about the outcome, we can allow good into our lives, through our decisions and through others, in ways we’ve not imagined.

Labels help establish the illusion of stability in our lives... but it is only an illusion.

Nothing is stable in our physical universe; nothing is forever... except constant change. It is only when we truly believe in a power greater than ourselves--whatever that means for you-- and know that at the depth of our soul, then and only then do we have the peace of mind that comes from knowing we can never want for anything or worry about losing what we have.

In our day-to-day life, we have plenty of support and approval to label ourselves and each other. These labels can lead to discrimination based on both who we are and how we are perceived.

Labeling others allows us to pigeon-hole people we don’t even know into a category, which can make them inaccessible to us, people who, for all we know, may be the very ones who can be our greatest partners in growing through life.

Are you your labels?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

It’s your choice, and either choice may serve you at any given time.

Perhaps they are a part of you, but if you choose to be known by your label, be sure that it is a label of your conscious choosing for the purpose of enjoying life to the fullest.

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