Feeling Frustrated or Depressed?

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

I got it.

More of my clients are feeling it.

I’d be surprised if you weren’t, too… at least sometimes… hopefully not a lot.

Do you know what’s behind frustration or depression? I’m sure you know some of the clinical explanations. For most of us, these two emotional reactions are covering up yet another expression that many of us are afraid of.

Can you guess what that would be?

Anger.

Many cultures, including our American way of acting, avoid showing anger, particularly against authority figures. We are told not to talk back to our elders.

You may have been told that little girls don’t get mad and have seen other women in your life suppressing these very real emotions.

As boys, we are made to feel like we should be able to figure it out and stuff those same emotions. And, when we can’t, we have examples in our lives that encourage us to fight instead of talking about issues.

But how does this apply to frustration and depression?

Simple.

If we aren’t available to express our anger in positive and productive ways, we stuff it.

That’s why frustration and depression are examples of

anger without enthusiasm.

We stuff the anger down, but it doesn’t go away. We become frustrated that we can’t fully express ourselves. That leads to depression, because we feel stuck, we feel like we’re a victim of whatever we can’t be angry at, and we feel hopeless about change.

But wait, there’s more! (I know… I’m old enough to remember the Ginsu knives commercial… sigh. If you’re not, I’m sure you can YouTube it.)

Beyond anger, however, lies the real problem. (I know, this is like one of those Russian dolls with a doll within a doll.)

Hey! I never said this blog wasn't going to be complicated or push your buttons.

Anger is always covering up another emotional expression, and yet another one that we are afraid to admit. This affects men even more than women, in most cases.

We are afraid to express our fear.

I mentioned above that men are more affected than women. I say this because guys are expected to solve the problem and deal with it.

Men aren’t taught to express their emotions on a good day, let alone admit to the people around them, particularly other men, that they are afraid.

Fear is for the weak.

That’s for sissies.

Just man-up, dude.

It takes time to work through those layers. It requires effort to dig down past the frustrations, go beyond depression, feel the anger, and finally, admit the fear.

That’s when we begin to feel the true sadness.

But we don’t stop there, stuck in the pity pot more than willing for someone to flush. We realize that regardless of the situation, we have freedom of choice.

We can change our lives.

We can learn to make different choices.

We may need help to recover. That requires admitting our fear and talking it out with a close friend or a professional.

No... they won’t fix it for us. But they may say a remark in a way that means to us, some little word or a hug, giving us the strength to carry on.

Yes. We will be responsible for pulling ourselves up with our bootstraps or bra straps, but that doesn’t mean we have to do it alone. Someone can be there to give us the final push-up and hug us when we’re once again standing.

That only leaves a question for us:

Are we willing to admit our fears and face them head-on?

The answer to take lies within us.

The way out of any situation is often the way through, but we might also find a way around it.

Either way… we have the power within us to do just that. Even if we must ask for help along the way.